Language Is Hard
by the fangirl in a wheelchair
Summary: Edit: Okay! This is a multichapter fic now! I hope you like bad language puns, because this story is gonna have TONS of them!
1. Two German Spies Walk Into A Bar

**During WWII, two German spies walk into a bar... (just a short cracky and punny story based off a joke I got from the YouTube, sorry if this has been done before or seems kinda lame, i'll post a more serious story again some other day)**

* * *

During World War II, two German spies walk into a bar, they agreed before that they won't ask for Schnapps as the locals would find it suspicious, so one of them orders in perfect english.

"Don't worry West, I got this." Prussia assures his brother, he then went over to the bar.

"I'm not so sure about this..." Germany watch his brother order.

Prussia sat down at one of the stools. "I would like two martinis please!"

"Dry?" Ask the barman.

"Nein mann, nicht drei, nur zwei!"

Germany facepalm at his brother's stupidity.

The barman immediately called the Allies on them, the Allies arrested the both of them.

* * *

 **Dry sounds like Drei which is three in German**


	2. Soy Milk

One morning in Spain...

"What's up with that stupid look on your face?" Romano asked Spain.

"What if soy milk was really just milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?"

"... I'm declaring independence from you."

* * *

 **Soy: I am in Spanish**


	3. I'm Looking For The Cat

**Slight NSFW and GerIta (I think)**

* * *

Italy found a stray cat and decided to take them home with him, he then introduced the cat to Germany, but the cat got scared of Germany and ran away, causing Italy to cry, so Germany offered to find the cat for Italy just to get him to stop crying.

While Germany was searching for the cat, he suddenly heard Romano's voice.

"Hey, potato bastard, what are doing peeking through bushes like a pervert?"

"Ich suche die katze."

"YOU WHAT?!"

Later...

"Germany, you're back! Did you find- Why do you have a black eye?!"

* * *

 **German: Ich suche die katze = i'm looking for the cat**

 **From what I've heard it would sound a lot like**

 **Italian: Io succhio il cazzo = I suck the dick**


	4. Retard

France is late to the G8 meeting, so England decided to text him.

 _Hey france where the hell are you? We are about to start the meeting!_

France texted back a few minutes later.

 _Retard_

England spits out the tea he was drinking. Did that bloody frog just called him a retard?!

Later...

"Sorry I'm late everyone, I-" England throws a stack of papers at France.

"HOW DARE YOU CALLED ME A RETARD YOU DAMN FROG!"

* * *

 **French = English translations**

 **Retard = Late (pronounce differently)**


	5. I Lost My Ring

**Warning/s: Probably OOC, dick joke ahead, also OC (Indonesia is male btw)**.

* * *

Japan was heading back from a meeting, when he noticed Indonesia who appears to be searching under the table for something.

"Indo-kun, are you looking for something?"

"Oh Japan, I can't find my- Actually I forgot the word in English."

"Then why don't you refer to it in Indonesian."

"Okay, I lost my cincin."

"... I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly, did you say that you lost your cincin?"

"Yes, I lost my cincin- Why are you giggling?"

* * *

 **Cincin = Ring in Indonesian**

 **Chinchin = Penis in Japanese (mostly used by the younger generation)**


	6. Intermission

Author: Ok, let's have a little intermission for a chapter, the topic is 'Words That Sound Different In One Language'. So, is this gonna be a thing? Probably. Also, sorry if I get something wrong, I only know English and Indonesian.

Author: First, what is this in your national language? *holds up a pineapple*

Italy: Oh that's an easy one.

Almost Every Country: Ananas (or a version of it).

English Speaking Countries: Pineapple.

 _Awkward silence_


	7. America The Beautiful Country

**A request from** **AquaEclipse.**

 **I hope I got the pronunciation right.**

* * *

"America, what are you doing?"

"I'm reading, what does it look like I'm doing?"

Canada looks at his brother as if he's grown a second head.

America notice his brother staring at him. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just that, you don't normally read, especially not that type of book." Canada pointed out the Mandarin to English dictionary in his brother's hands.

"Alright, you got me. The truth is I'm trying to find out what 'Meiguo' means."

"Mei... guo...?"

"Yeah, China calls me that a lot, and I want to know if he has been complimenting or insulting me all this time." America turns his attention back towards the dictionary. "Meiguo... Meiguo... Mei- Aha! Found it! It means..."

America became silent for a few moments.

"America... Is everything alright?" Canada asked.

America finally looks up, he has tears in his eyes. "He thinks I'm beautiful!"

"Oh brother..."

* * *

On the next World Meeting, America wouldn't stop showering China with compliments.

"Aiyah! What the hell is up with you today Měiguó?!"

"I think you're beautiful too, man!"

* * *

 **Chinese = English translation**

 **美國 (Měiguó) = America/Beautiful country**


	8. Preservatives

**Warning/s: Slight NSFW?**

 **I realized that I could have done this with other English speaking countries, but it probably wouldn't be as funny.**

* * *

England and France were baking in the kitchen, when suddenly England said, "Hey, can you get me some preservatives?"

France stares at him. "What?"

"I said I need some preservatives."

"Preservatifs...?"

"Yes, did I stutter? Preservatives."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." England was getting irritated now.

"Okay." France left to get the preservatives, for some reason he had an amused smile on his face.

A minute later France came back and gave England a packet of condoms.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!"

"You said you needed some preservatifs." France smirks.

* * *

 **Preservatifs (French) = apparently it means Condoms**


	9. I Got You A Gift!

"Germany~ There's a package for you."

"Really? Who is it from?"

"Ve~ there's a note attached to it." Italy reads the note. "It's from England, he says it's a gift for you."

As soon as Italy said the word 'gift' Germany immediately throws the package out of the house.

"Germany why did you just threw the package out the window?"

It turns out the package was just filled with scones.

* * *

 **German = English**

 **Gift = Poison**


	10. Love Affair

**I always wanted to do this one actually, but I keep forgetting, thank you NoEndInSight13** **for reminding me** :)

* * *

"Where are they? They're late!" Sealand screamed in rage.

The micronations were supposed to be having a meeting today (well, almost all of the micronations, Ladonia is currently sick with a virus so he can't attend), but most of them are late. Seborga is the first and only one to arrive.

"Calm down Sealand, you know how the others practically live in different continents." Said Seborga trying to calm the other micronation down. "Just give them time, they'll be here."

Sealand pouts, then mumbles. "I guess you're right."

"By the way Sealand, I haven't seen your father around."

"Mama said that he went out to get fika. Whatever that means." Sealand shrugs.

Seborga look shocked. "W-What?! Sealand what did you say?"

"I said he went out to get fika."

Seborga look even more shocked. "Sealand is that true?!"

Sealand stares at his friend in confusion, he didn't understand why Seborga looks so panicked. "Yes?"

Seborga grabs Sealand's shoulders. "Sealand, I don't know how to tell you this, but I think your father is cheating on your mother!"

"What makes you say that Seborga?"

Meanwhile, in the living room, Finland could be seen sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee, reading a book, enjoying a nice relaxing afternoon.

Then suddenly...

"MAMA! PAPA IS CHEATING ON YOU!"

* * *

 **Fika (Swedish) = Coffee Break**

 **Fika (Italian) = Vagina**


	11. Intermission 2

Author: Time for another Intermission! Featuring the Nordics only this time. *holds up a picture of the flag of Sweden* So, what do you call Sweden in your language?

Denmark: Why his name? Why not my name?

Sweden: *glares at Denmark*

Author: Just say his country name.

Denmark: Okay okay. Sverige.

Norway: Sverige.

Sweden: Sverige.

Iceland: Svíþjóð.

Author: *shrugs* Eh close enough. Finland?

Finland: *sheepishly* Ruotsi...

awkward silence*


	12. Good Morning

The nations are having a meeting today, and as usual, Germany is one of the first nations to arrive at the conference room. As he was checking on his papers, the doors to the conference room opens up, and entered Lithuania and Poland.

"Lithuania, Poland, guten morgen." He greeted them politely.

The next thing Germany knew, a stray shoe hit him in the face.

"Poland!" Lithuania shrieked. "Why did you do that for?!"

"What? Like, he was the one who told me to throw my shoe at him."

* * *

 **Guten Morgen (German) apparently sounds like Butem w mordę (Polish) = shoe in the face**


	13. To XXXX

**Some mild NethIndo because I couldn't help myself XD**

 **Edit: Fixed the typo *dies of embarassment***

* * *

"Brother, where are you going?" Belgium asked her brother who just came out of his room.

"Poepen."

"In that case, say hi to Indonesia for me!" She cheerfully told him.

Netherlands stops dead in his tracks with a hand on the bathroom's door. A confused look etched on his face as he stares at Belgium.

* * *

 **Poepen (Dutch) = To shit**

 **Poepen (Belgian Dutch) = To have sex**


	14. My Kid

**Brazil is male.**

* * *

 _Knock_

 _Knock_

"I'm coming!"

Brazil opens his front door. "Portugal? What are you doing here?" He asked, surprised to see his former caretaker at his house.

Portugal smiles. "I came here to visit my puto, you."

There was a momentary silence.

Then Brazil slams the door in front of Portugal. Hard.

Portugal scratch his head in confusion. "What did I say?"

* * *

 **Puto (Portuguese) = Kid**

 **Puto (Brazilian Portuguese) = Whore (masculine)**


	15. Gift II: The Gifting

**Thank you to Alvazu for the suggestion :)**

 **Although, I get the feeling that this isn't as funny as the others** **.**

 **Warning/s: Slight Yandere!Denmark** **.**

* * *

When Norway arrived home that evening, he wasn't expecting to find Denmark sitting in his living room.

"Norway I've been expecting you." Denmark spoke slowly.

"What are you doing in my house?" Norway asked the obvious question.

"That's not important!" Denmark screamed at him. "Where have you been?"

"I was out with England and Romania." Norway explained.

"Oh so you were out with those two again..." Denmark then mumbles some words in Danish that are so indescribably rude the author can't even write them down.

"Wait, what did you just call my friends?" Norway looks offended, how could Denmark call his own friends that?

"Which one of them sent you this message?" Denmark shoved Norway own phone at his face.

"You looked through my phone?"

"Just tell me who sent you this message!"

"'Norway, I'm going to make a gift for you'." Norway read the text message carefully. "I still don't understand."

"How could you not remember what the word 'gift' mean?" Denmark pinch the bridge of his nose, irritated. "And no I'm not talking about poison, I'm talking about the other meaning."

It then finally clicked to Norway.

"By our old gods Denmark! It's in English! It's not even grammatically correct in that context!" Norway groan in irritation.

"How can you be so sure about that?!"

"England sent that message, in English, because he speaks English, he was going to get me a present!"

"Oh." Denmark smiles sheepishly. "Sorry, guess I got a little carried away, I was just trying to look out for you."

Norway sighs in exasperation at the other Scandinavian Nation's antic. "How did you manage to figure out my phone's password?"

Denmark shrugs. "It was quite easy actually, 1262 really?" He smirks.

Norway shakes his head, "I'm going to bed." he really doesn't want to deal with this anymore.

* * *

 **Danish/Swedish/Norwegian = English**

 **Gift = Married**


	16. Intermission 3

Author: I'm sure that you've all noticed that I am back to updating this thing again after 500 years, I just needed a break from writing horror stuff.

Italy: Author you're so dramatic, it hasn't been that long.

Author: I know that. Now onto the intermission! *Holds up a football ball* What is this in your language?

Almost Every Country: Football!

America: That's not a football, that's a soccer ball- *Gets hit in the head with football ball*

Ireland, Japan, Tanzania, Uganda, Kenya, Burundi, Mozambique, Oman, Somalia, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Somaliland, Djibouti, Ethiopia, Yemen, Kenya, South Africa and Namibia: *Nervous sweating*


End file.
